Holidays!

We're going on holiiiidaaaayyy!!! on Saturday!! That was a bit over the top, but I thought we weren't going to be able to go, so I'm really happy that we are We were supposed to be going in our canpervan, but the gearbox has broken and the garage are having trouble finding a new one for it, so we can't use it for now. Anyway, we've booked a caravan in Padstow instead and we're going on Sat for a week! Hope the weather stays nice. I'm looking forward to going for a surf again for the first time in over a year. The campsite has an indoor pool so if it p*sses down, at least we can go in there. I'm a bit daunted about how much stuff we're going to have to pack - I started writing a list last night and it's massive!!

If only...

...we could afford for me to be a stay-at-home mum. I LOVE being at home with Jamie. Yes, it can be tiring in that it's fairly full-on from 7am til he goes to bed, but I don't find it stressful in the same way as working. I manage to sit down and have a cuppa when he's having a nap, and at the moment he'll sit in his bouncy chair and watch while I do housework. We go out to baby groups, swimming and walks in the park...it's just great and I can honestly say I've never been happier than I am now.

The only cloud on the horizon is going back to work!! We think we can just about manage financially if I do 2.5 days a week, although things will be very tight. Our mums have offered to do childcare for those 2.5 days so we're very lucky there. I just need the school to agree to it. If they do, I think 2.5 days at work will be a good balance for me and I'll still get lots of time at home with Jamie.

My poor baby...

I took Jamie swimming today for about the 5th time...we had a nice time in the pool -he really seems to enjoy it and I love taking him. I take him to the poolside in his car seat and then put him in there after we've got out, til I've got myself dry and dressed. Anyway, today I was just taking him out of the seat in the changing cubicle, ready to dry him, and somehow he fell on the floor...he got tangled in the towels and wriggled and somehow I lost my grip on him.

Luckily I'd kneeled down to take him out, so he didn't fall far, but it was so awful! He landed on his cheek, nose and the top of hs head, and he SCREAMED like he has when he's had his jabs. I was convinced he'd done himself some real damage, cracked his skull or something. I cuddled him loads til he calmed down and then phoned Wayne who was luckily on his way home. I thought we'd have to take him to hospital but Wayne managed to convince me that he was ok - he was acting normally, being his usual smiley self, very alert, etc.

I've watched him like a hawk all afternoon and evening and he's been completely fine, apart from the fact that he has an imprint of the changing room floor tiles on his cheek (he looks like he's been run over by a small motorbike!). But I feel awful about it. The thing is, I'm always so careful with him, and am paranoid about dropping him or hurting him in any way.

Feeling very shaky about it all and have had a couple of glasses of wine tonight to calm me down, and they've gone to my head totally!

I can't believe how much I love him or how happy he's made me. It's like life before him was black and white and now everything is colour. We've been playing peekaboo this morning and he's been squealing and laughing at me, it's sooo adorable. And I love the sound of the little cooing noises he makes, in his husky baby voice. I never imagined just how strong the bond I have with him would be or how much I'd love him.

It's amazing how fast he's growing and developing. I was looking back on some photos of J just after he was born, he looks sooo small and helpless. Now he's a proper little person. And to think that a year ago he was a tiny bunch of cells...It's just amazing. I feel so lucky to have him.

Right, I'll pull myself back together now!